worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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