The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
