There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
