2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
wat bout pragnant strippers??
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
