"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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