Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
