this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
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Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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