Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
