That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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