the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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