it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
