I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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