i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
