I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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