If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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