I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
