When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
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My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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