Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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