I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
