White coat. Heels.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
