if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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