So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
