I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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