Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
