yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
