Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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