Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
God, I missed his penis.
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