Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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