tonight lets celebrate not being married
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
