Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
