Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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