I can text with my tongue
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
