A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
