I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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