Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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