I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
