I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
