Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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