I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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