I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
