Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
