y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
