I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
