Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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