He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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