I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
