I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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