Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I AM VODKA MAN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
