I met the friendliest cop last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I would ride that face into the sunset
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
