he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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