he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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