Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
