and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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