He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
