the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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