you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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