How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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