god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
