the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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