i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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