Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
