I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
