you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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