ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
