have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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