Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
