Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
