the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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