It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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