I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
