Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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